The 80's

I smoke Consulate and Park Drive
Drank Newcy Brown
Learned how to skive
Polo mints to hide my
Breath from my Mum
Did a little weed 'cause it felt like fun
Did a little speed if
My friends had some
Nicked Volkswagon badges
I'm a Beastie Boys son
Me so horny, me so young
And I still get my washing done

Auntie Jo died of cancer
God didn't have an answer
Rhythm was a dancer
Any room for a chancer
That's me in the corner, thanks Sir
Wore a Troop track suit
British Knights shoes
Kangol hat like L.L. Cools
Before I was having it, having it large
They nicked the B.M.X.
From out my garage

And I knew it was Tire
From off the estate
'Cause every time I saw him
He smiled like we were mates
From then on in, I'd have to walk to
Me Nan's and I'll dream my dreams
For a sea of prams
Like a hooligan on the football
Stands and I threw the V's
To Leeds and West Ham
And then I ran, I ran so far away

Down Scotia Road to a taxi bay
Then I ran again 'cause I couldn't pay
Young Muslim didn't get his
Fare that day
I apologise today

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80's broke my heart

And who are you calling poof
You like Wham, man
I hate that stuff
And then my Granddad died
And left a hole in the family
And lots of women there to nanny me

School was a laugh
They didn't have A.D.D.
Thick was the term they used for me
Over and over, repeatedly
Over and over
Take my breathe away, pass the
Bidley bidley bidley bidley bong
Pass it on the left hand side
Right turn, Clyde

That girl in the fourth year
Got pregnant
She was raised Catholic, brilliant
I cried, she cried, we cried
Her youth died

Drank cider in the cemetery
The year above us had discovered 'E'
And I said it weren't for me
Twelve pounds fifty
I could rob my mum's purse
And buy one off Chalky

Met a girl on Monday
Drank fizzy pop on Tuesday
Fingered her on Wednesday
And on Thursday and Friday
And on Saturday
Dumped by Sunday

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80's broke my heart
The wonder years I've played my part
That's how the 80's broke my heart

I lost my virginity to a girl called
Anne-Marie
Well, she said she fancied me
And then she said "Fuck me"
And I thought fuck me
And I'm all talk and it'll
Be over too quickly

And it was but I couldn't care less
I'd seen a girl's part
Made a mess on her dress
Oh yes, you're now rocking
With the best
Second person in my year
That had seen a breast
I'm in my 304s now
And I'm still impressed
Why the Falklands Mum
And what have they done

Where do girls come, where do girls
Come from, where do girls come from
It's the 80's what you looking at
You mong
So young, so long, so young, so long
Too short, so long
What you looking at, you mong
Too short, so long, too short, so long
So long