My Anger !
Ma premiere tentative : un article en Anglais !
Knowing that she is inside of you, she'll never go away, she'll stay there coz this is where she meant to be, is hard !! And it's freaking me out !!
|You know what ? I'm lying here, in my bed, thinking about myself, and I just wanna scream. This emptyness is killing me slowly, and I can't bear it anymore. For exemple, I was watching a TV Show, I realized that My life is lame, I don't have anything interesting... All I have is my stories that I tell you (about my series), but I wanna something else to talk about, something about My Fucking life. I wanna some change. I thought that studing in med school will be this change that I expected for 2 years, but it isn't, My days are like those when I was in high school, And GOD knows how much I hated it, HERE I AM, living again my past... When I look at you, or at the pictures that you showed me, I just wanna something like that, something to hold into it, something that can give you hope about the future, something that can give you the need of saying all you have in your heart... I really envied you, but what can I do ? I am who I am... I am a a girl with many complexes that can't go away... |
Oh yeah !!! You know that anger which was in me, I thought I deleted it for a year, but Last week I realized that it wasn't gone, it's still here, in me, eating me slowly, driving me crazy, making me wanna hit somebody, or making me wanna kill them (the people around me)... I just wanna hit something so that I could live with this anger in harmony...
All day, I Feel it, growing inside of me... In the morning, when I woke up, before I open My eyes, I feel her, she is next to me, waiting for me to open my damn eyes so that I could see her, and know her plans. She smiles at me with her hi-you !! -you-can't-go-anywhere-smile, at this moment, I know exactly what she's gonna do, all day, she'll stay next to me, talk about my lame life, about the people that I hate, she's gonna make me wanna scream, but I can't, coz I'm not allowed to when she is near to me, I'm not allowed to do that, it's against the rules, her RULES for damn sake... After the tortring speech, she takes me in her amrs, forces me to whatch the people around me so that I could see how much they are naifs, how much I hate them, their habbits, theirs talks, their way of dealing with me, their ways of driving me crasy... She makes me see that again and again... When she woke up the little me who is inside of me, who was sleeping deeply, she leaves me in a desert road, alone, without any support or confidence, Yeah she leaves there with my fear, my hopelessness, my hands and legs are shaking, I can't see anything, all I think about is her, she is everywhere, I hear her voice talking to me again and again. Telling me that I should end up my life, coz there is nothing to do to save it, it's desperate... I fall down in my knees, I'm shaking, I don't wanna see her, I feel her, she is right here, in front of me, she is touching my hands, my thorax, and now she is touching my heart, she knows that I'm vurenable in this road, she knows that she can do whatever she wants... I'm crying deeply, I want her to go, coz I know what it's going on, I will be the person that I hate the most, the person that it isn't me... She makes me like that everytime when she's in me, I know there is no escape of it, she will enter in me if I wanted or not...
Oh God no, she is here, in me,
I'm done now.